Name-change ruse may help co-worker save face

DEAR ABBY: I have been working at my current job for a couple of years. One of my co-workers, who is in another department and who I see a couple of times a week, calls me "Sue." My name is "Joyce."

He has been doing this for some time and I don't know how to correct him without embarrassing him. Any suggestions?


DEAR POLITE: Try this. Tell him you have changed your name to Joyce — that others are now using it and you'd appreciate it if he would, too. If he asks you the reason for the name change, say it's because all your life you have felt more like a Joyce than a Sue. (It's true.)

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating this guy, "Omar," for eight months. He is considerate, compassionate, affectionate, intelligent and worldly. He's a good father and has a great sense of humor. Omar is any woman's dream, but I am not physically attracted to him. There's no chemistry, no electricity — zilch!

I have tried to persevere, hoping my feelings would change. I feel like the woman who says she wants a good guy until she finds one.

I have struggled with why I don't have feelings for Omar. He adores me, but all I feel toward him is friendship. I have tried forcing myself, but at my age I want someone who is sexy, someone I can fall passionately in love with. Omar and I have wonderful times together, but I'm not receptive to his advances.

Should I keep trying, hoping things will change? Is 53 too old to still feel "gaga" over someone?


DEAR SEARCHING: Heck no! And I say that from personal experience.

Now, ask yourself how you would feel if you discovered that Omar wasn't really the person he has presented himself to be. Well, that's how this man will feel if you continue "faking it." Please stop giving him false hope where there isn't any. Level with him. He's the ideal man for someone else, and your Mr. Right may be just around the corner.

DEAR ABBY: My father-in-law is 92. He has led an accomplished and rewarding life. He is also a careful man, concerned about posterity and he has written his own eulogy.

When he passes, I plan to offer some warm and loving remarks. Because he has already written his eulogy, would it be in poor taste to send him my remarks now to let him know how I feel about him?


DEAR LOVING S-I-L: Not at all. When you do, send him a cover note saying, "I know you have written your eulogy, but I thought you might be interested to read what someone else has to say on the subject when that sad time comes. After all, the time to offer a compliment is when the recipient is around to enjoy it. Love, ..."

P.S. Don't be surprised if he sends it back with some suggested edits.

DEAR READERS: Today marks the birthday of civil rights martyr the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. Sadly, he didn't live to see our first African-American president elected — but I'm sure he's smiling.


Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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