Some more crazy wine questions

Okay, here's another list of crazy wine questions asked at the Wine Cellar. These are actual questions by consumers when they drop down in the cellar. Here we go.

1. Q: My grandfather made this really, really delicious red wine every fall and it tasted like blackberries. What was it he made?

A: Well, perhaps it was blackberry wine.

2. Q: Husband: We had a white wine in Portland and it had a red label with kinda stripes going down the sides.

Wife: No, no, the stripes went around the label somewhat like a barber pole, but skinnier and the stripes were red, not the label.

Husband: No, I distinctly remember the wine label as red!

Wife: Red? Red? No, the stripes were definitely red and the label was, uh, a different color than red! I know red!

Husband: Whatever. (Turns to me, hands on hips) What was the wine?

3. Q: If one drank red wine with seafood, like trout or halibut, would one get sick? My brother drank red wine with mussels and we had to take him to the hospital. So, would the differences in the kind of seafood mean some sort of sickness, I mean if one drank red wine?

A: I, uh...

Q: I mean if the seafood was still fresh and stuff?

4. Q: We had this really boffo white wine, a Chardonnay, I think ... No, I mean I think it was a Sauvignon Blanc in a restaurant in Eugene. Man, we loved this wine. How can I get some?

A: Can you tell me which restaurant? I know many of them up there, maybe I can give them a call. When was the dinner?

Response: Five years ago. (I am not kidding)

5. Tourists: I've heard that Christopher Duval, the Shakespeare actor-dude, is a really fine wine connoisseur. So what does he drink?

Wife: He's cute!

Me: Pardon me?

Husband: (Looking at wife, then back to me) Whatever. So what kind of wine does he like?

Me: Uh, anything.

6. Q: If you had any one wine to drink, say you were on a desert island, like a really small, sandy, desert island out in the Pacific Ocean and had crates of the stuff hit the beach, what would it be?

A: Oh, I guess a really fine white Burgundy.

Response: No, no, really. Think again. I mean a white Burgundy? You gotta be kidding! Whaa? Try, try again.

A: Maybe a really nice Brunello di Montalcino. Okay, yeah, that'd be it.

Response: No, no, really! I mean that's ALL you would ever drink again! Geez! (This went on for five minutes!)

7. Q: Hey, Lorenzo! Look what I brought you! I made this wine myself (vinegar and sulfur smells are now filling the cellar) whadda ya think? Taste it, go on, taste it! (thrusting a beaker of indescribable liquid in my face.) Hey, be honest, man. C'mon, taste it!

A: Aaaagh!

8. Q: (Dad and very little child at the counter) So, I'm thinking of getting a wine that little Cindy can have when she turns 21, or, say, when she gets married.

Response: So, how long to be stored?

A: Eighteen years.

Response: (I hand the man a bottle of wine for $20.)

Response: What have you got for about four dollars?

9. Q: I put ice cubes in my red wine. Is that okay?

A: Uh, well, you are constricting the tastes and diluting the flavors. I'd say it wasn't what you'd want to do.

Response: I like it that way.

Response: Well, I mean ... (he pulls out a bottle of Chateau Latour, the great red Bordeaux, from a muslin bag to show me.)

Response: Got a lot of these left to me from my father. Like it with lots of ice.

Response: Zip.

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